Lost In Translation? Understanding Your (Travel) Love Language

In his book, ‘The Five Love Languages: How To Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate’ Gary Chapman outlines five ways to experience and express love which he coined as “love languages”. They include: receiving gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service (devotion) and physical touch. Although these are strictly about the experience of love, I believe the concept can be configured and applied to travel partners too.

About a year ago I went to Amsterdam with a friend. But the trip was doomed to failure from the moment we touched down. It became apparent that we had very different expectations when it came to holidays. She loved tourist attractions and visiting well-known locations. Whereas I like to immerse myself into the culture — visit unknown locations, eat and drink etc.

We hadn’t set the time aside to discuss our preferences and expectations. But if I could have a do-over, these are the things I would have talked about:

Are you a tourist or adventurer?
This is where my friend and I clashed the most. I like to live in the experience whereas she liked to ensure she had gifts and mementos to remember the trip by. I would say this is one of the most important things to establish and discuss prior your trip but remember there will also be overlap. For example, I love museums. Have a conversation and make a compromise of sorts if your expectations differ.

Quality time and communication needs
How much space do you need? For me personally as an introvert, after a day of social interaction I need some solo quiet time. Whereas some people enjoy and need constant stimulation. When you are travelling in a group or duo, it is important to be aware of peoples boundaries. Let people know prior to the trip your needs so there is no confusion or upset when you get there.

Whether you’re friends or lovers—knowing your love language is a one of the best ways to ensure your time away is drama free.

Acts of service and division of labour
To ease the burden of responsibility it is important to discuss your roles on the trip. Who is in charge of; the planning of the trip, entertainment, cleaning and cooking (if applicable). Sometimes you will be with someone who expects an equal division of labour across the board/ a division of separate tasks. This would ensure living together would be as easy as possible.

Intimacy
Are you heavy or light sleepers? Do you snore? If you are to be living together these are important points to consider when deciding to share a room. A light sleeper and heavy snorer is an instant clash and will set the tone for the trip if anyone isn’t well-rested.

If I could redo the trip, I would have still gone. I really did enjoy my time even though it had its bumps. But I would have ensured we had opened a dialogue prior going. We had assumed because we were close friends that lived together, we would be fine. But instead, we clashed constantly. Which is why it is important to discuss your travel ‘love languages’ before you head out on a trip.

Take time to communicate and ensure you’re all on the same page —then all you have to do is focus on is having a great holiday!