An Epiphany In Paris
May 12, 2019
Fear. Sitting alone at this airport bar I’ve got 8 minutes until boarding begins for my flight to Paris. I feel the fear creeping up in my belly as I contemplate the many what-ifs. A sip of ginger ale to ease my stomach. But what will ease my thoughts?
This is my first real “passport stamp” trip in some years. I hadn’t anticipated I’d be going alone, especially to Paris. After all, who goes to Paris alone? Apparently, I do. I’ve decided this trip will be one of self-discovery or recovery, depending upon how you look at it. See, my entire world has just about collapsed and I can’t remember the last time I really felt like myself. I’ve told myself that there will be a moment where I’m walking down the center of a Parisian street or sitting with myself inside a picturesque cafe and then my epiphany moment will come. I’ll know without a doubt who I am and who I want to be.
I’m praying for this moment despite it being imagined. I’d like to know that the misery I’ve long felt will see it’s end soon.
Yvonne in Paris
May 14, 2019
I had my moment.
Some minutes before midnight, I parted ways from newfound friends at the Trocadéro station. Just the day before I had haphazardly come out at the same station only to find the bus stop back to my hotel. But my confidence in my knowledge of Paris and myself had grown exponentially since that day, and I exited the Paris metro determined to catch a view of La Tour Eiffel under the stars.
A few steps past where I wasn’t bold enough to venture the day before, there she was. As if painted to be cast against the dark blue-black of a midnight sky, the tower sparkled and forced the eye to focus on it alone with unwavering attention. Life naturally set up a perfect soundtrack; a man playing some form of a Middle Eastern guitar graced the moment with notes born of the Mediterranean. In those few breathtaking minutes, I felt a contentment I had been missing for so long. Maybe the small feat of overcoming my fear that had literally kept me feet away from something I had wanted and so easily came to achieve became an allegory for my life.
I was living in fear, I am living in fear.
I, Yvonne Antoinette, determined to travel the world, to make plans and achieve them, obstacles be damned. When had I stopped living courageously? When had I fallen into a comfortable fear of the more that I needed to feel fulfilled in life? I wasn’t sure, still, am not, but I am certain of the change ahead. The chapter of mediocrity in my life will soon write its end. I’m in search of greater for myself: spiritually, professionally, emotionally, romantically, and creatively.
My personal promise is to live with only the fear and love of God and faith, faith in myself to do the things I dream, to write the story of my unforgettable life one day at a time.
- Yvonne
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