Dodging Danger Abroad: One Woman's Survival Story

This is a cross-post with the lovely GangStarrGirl, who joined us for the Eat Play Love Barbados travel deal. And as a woman of color travelling around the world, there can be a great many experiences ... including sexually inappropriate ones. While Barbados was amazing, there's always at least one questionable apple so here's a cautionary tale from GangStarrGirl herself. Be safe ladies!In November, I took the ladies of Parlour up on their Eat Play Love offer and attended the third annual Food Wine and Rum Festival in Barbados. Think of it like experiencing The Food Network, but in real life and with perfect weather and a tropical beach as the backdrop. I was prepared for tons of sun, sand, food, drinks and lavish delights, but not the major impact this trip would have on my life. It was my first vacation as a married woman without my hubby. I saw cute boys and got hit on which in some cases wasn’t very fun but in others it was a major ego boost.I’m already planning my return to Barbados for the 2013 festivities, so I obviously enjoyed my trip. However, one of my favorite things to do after every trip I take is to go over the highs, lows and lessons learned, which brings me to this post. Parlour editor Hillary asked me to write about my interaction with a certain Canadian celebrity chef, who became a Parlour crush, but I decided to also share a negative experience that I had with a local, because there’s a lesson in that too.The WorstI narrowly escaped being sexually assaulted. Every public Caribbean beach is teeming with hustlers trying to peddle goods and services. Enter Mr. Rapey. He approached me about taking a jet ski ride as soon as I set foot on the beach. Initially, his approach, while aggressive, wasn’t creepy so I reluctantly gave it some thought but I just needed a minute to actually set my stuff on a beach chair and think things through. I’m a daredevil but jet skiing was something I had been avoiding for years. I decided to go through with it because his partner convinced my friend to do it as well. Sensing my hesitation, Mr. Rapey offered to go with me (his partner did the same for my friend, also novice), which I thought would be fine.However, as soon as we took off into the ocean, the incessant flirting began. First, he kept saying things about me being “gorgeous” and “sweet,” and I just replied with “thank yous” here and there but offered no other responses or conversation unless he asked me a question. Apparently, what I thought was me being polite meant that I wanted him. After about 20 minutes joy riding around we got to a point on the beach where there was an abandoned hotel and virtually no one around, with the exception of a shack tucked away at the side of the hotel where I saw a handful of local men hanging out. I had to strain to see them.He stopped the jet ski and asked if I wanted a real island rum punch. His selling point was that he could get them from his friends on the beach. My friends knew I was with him so, I agreed to having a rum punch. I’m a lightweight and also very astute, so my plan was to wait until I got back with my friends to sip on mine.Mr. Rapey let the jet ski coast and told me that I could joy ride around (by this point, I successfully tried my hand at actually driving the thing), or just coast as he headed to shore. I decided to go for a swim. Eventually, I ended up close to the shore and walked into the ocean up to my waist, then Mr. Rapey returned a few minutes later with no rum punches. He swam toward me, grabbed my hand, smiled and said, “Turn around.” That’s when the record scratched.Appalled, I replied, “NO,” scrunched up stank face included.“Why not,” he asked.“Let’s go,” I said and swam back to the jet ski, preparing to leave him or fight if I had too.“You’re just so sweet,” he said swimming close behind me. “I want to make you my girlfriend before you leave.”“I’m married, dude.”It was blunt and firm but he still searched for an in, despite my obvious extreme aversion.“Really?”Noooo, I’m totally making this up because that’s what women do when we want to play. Fuck that! Even if I were single I said 'No!' got dammit! I’m irritated just thinking about his sense of entitlement and the fact that I’m keeping my indignant thoughts to myself out of fear that he might try to retaliate in the middle of the sea. Am I really doing this too familiar 'what your man got to do with me' song and dance with this shady ass stranger trying to negotiate his way into my panties? Yes. But all I did was be nice! So, doesn’t matter. Sigh.“Yes. I’m happily married to a flesh and blood man who is good to me and that I love dearly,” I said, trying to sound as even as possible.I’m known amongst my friends for sometimes getting belligerent in situations like this but I remained calm, which was hard. I wanted to curse him out, push him off the jet ski and speed off. That scenario played out perfectly in my mind, but in real life, keeping my cool got me back to the beach and my friends safely.However, the harassment didn’t stop. He tried to get me on the jet ski the next day and had the nerve to tell me that I told him that I’d go for another ride. Blank motherfucking stare. After I declined, he then declared that he and his partner would take my friends and I to Oistin’s, because it was 'best to be shown the island by a native.' No, thanks. And of course, he asked again repeatedly whether I was really married or not and then tried to guilt me because I'd 'broken his heart.' Mmmkay.Eventually, a miracle occurred. He left me alone for the rest of the trip after two days of stalkeration. Hallelujah.What kind of arrogant audacity does a man have to possess in order to believe that he could just take me to this abandoned place and tell me to turn around so he could dry hump me or even worse, pull it out? There is no answer to that question but I’m glad I’m safe. Even with good judgment things can sometimes go awry, so keep that in mind for your next girls trip. Female travelers are seen as prime real estate so have fun but be alert and play it safe. Stay tuned for the next GangStarrGirl in Barbados installment, The High. Catch more of her musings at GangStarrGirl.